familia

i just wanna take this time to thank my family for everything and anything. God bless family; it is the cure all for any discomfort.

Mom. thanks for all you have given and still continue to give me. there is nothing about the way i am that i would change. you have raised me with un presidented morals and thats the kind of thing that holds more equity than real eastate.

Dad.. Thank you for the sacrifises you made that have brought me to where i am today. but now i understand everything you have tought me and see it clearer than a bright 4th of july. you are my here and i have some big shoes to fill. mi herue.

Jaque... you are moree than a sister, you are a best friend. though we had our quarrels in the past (and still do from time to time) i understand your role as a mother and you want is to watch out for all that you love.

Willie.. You have always been the happiest person i have ever seen. i dreamt about you last night. i was changing your diapers and carried you for what seemed an eternity and took you to bed. but there was a glow about you that made it euphoric. im convinced you are my guardian angel.

Miguelito... no ay mucho que se puede decir, pero un dia vamos a tener todo de la eternidad para hablar. nunca fuistes un estrangero.

Sharon... im sorry for ever doubting your decissions but i remebet what it is like to finnaly have some freedom, and will suppost you with every step that you take. no critysism. i miss our late night chats about life. and if you ever need anyone beat up, let me know, i dont care if it is even a preist. you will always be my shawen.

Alan... Being around you reminds me so much of me but differen. it is so hard to explain. i feel like you are defenitely on a more dirrect road to success than i ever was. just remember that i was the one who figured out the best way to put you to sleep when you were a baby. Oh, and i was always your favorite. Love you boobers.

Phil... no lie, you are one of the graetes people i have ever met. there is a lasting impression of respnsability inprinted on me because of you. im glad you have accepted us as part of your life and family. there is lots in you that i want to be like. I want to buy the world a philip.

Seth... What can i say. You have a way to warm my heart even when it is at its coldest and emptiest. You keep me young. your innoncense and adorable spunk makes me wish i could clone you. always remeber how i used to play with you and toss you areond even though jaque would always yell at me. i never dropped you and in my heart i never will.

Lucas... You havent warmed up to me yet, but you will. it is inevitable. youll see. did i mention that you look like a shunken version of your granpa. if that is the case, then you are destined for great things.

Devon... you are in no hederitary way a pistone but i am confident that we left a lasting impression on you, like the fact that kisses arent YUKIE... i am always as happy to see you as anyone else. wow how you have grown over the years. love you eaqualy.

And i love you all...

a not so daily thought

i fancy the Dancing

to A bitter syMphony

the love of a tuNe

Will bring the end of me

eerie melOdy

in a Mellow sky

deAfens the esseNce in most

majestic of butterflies

days leading up to today

sometimes i wish i was a better writer. one that doesn't have to think about what he is trying to say. where words just bleed from my fingers into a an empty canvas without error or confusion. often i find myself having so many things to express but lack the language to describe them adequately. but one thing i can say is that i haven't been myself lately. i found that trying to live stress free is not feasible. apparently, stress seems to be a right of passage into adulthood. there is always something to leave a bitter sensation on the tongue, heart, or mind. if not women, then money; if not money then work; if not work then family. its like a poison that kills all sanity, one catastrophic decision at a time. and what a time to be feeling like this. December definitely does not carry itself the same way that i remember it in my younger days. i am confident that this will be one of the most depressing holiday seasons to date: worst than when i was on deployment, hands down. i wont go into details but its definitely something i need to see through on my own. for the first time i will not be spending the holidays at home with my family by choice. there was the time i was in the middle of the Persian gulf during Christmas of 2005... but that definitely was not by choice. i need sometime to reflect what I'm going through on my own and learn to fix myself. i cant live life with my guard up all the time but i cant close myself off from the world either. but until i find that happy medium, all things suck....